Long Pause

It's July already. Two months passed after my progress report. Progress report here means a presentation which requires student to present all their progress to evaluator(s). Students may present their proposal draft if they are preparing for proposal defense, Gantt chart, questionnaires, results, etc. Just present which stage are you now. There are also students who makes progress report as pre-viva. My school require us to present progress report as pre proposal defense and pre-viva. So, at least, we have 4  presentations to do along the research journey. The evaluators are not there to judge your work whether it is right or wrong, but they are willingly to give opinions and comments as third party. So, no harm done and this will increase the chance for students to pass with minor correction.

Somehow, when students write, we are so immersed in our research and topics till a point where cannot explain it in layman's term. Or, maybe we are out of track so these evaluator will drag us back to the right path. Of course, with their experiences and talent in publication, they will help you.

In my case previously, I presented a lil bit of my chapter 1, and 3, and which phase I'm in right now. Received few comments to improve here and there. The bright side is, I'm the last presenter in that room. Bad side is, maybe they care, maybe they listened half-heartedly. I don't know. Afterall, i've present it.

I won't tackle how evaluators work. I just want to share how is my progress right now. Okay. After my progress report, I've submitted my proposal draft to my supervisor. Unfortunately, it's a major correction. I need to do again my chapter 1. at that time, it almost Raya. So, of course I go back to my hometown and berjimba like there is no tomorrow. My bad and please don't copy this. My holiday is prolonged since I need to nurse my father, and I just cannot write when I'm at home. One month is burned... just like that. Again, wrong time management.

When I came to my senses and realized I need to start writing again, I came back to UUM. I am the one who cannot live alone cause I am so careless and live in my own world. I need friends to talk to about my research and real life. The first night, I'm hungry and walked to the mall to grab a bite and go to ATM. The next day, I just realized that my ATM card is missing. It's almost 5pm so I rushed to the mall to find it. On my way to the mall, I put on my earplug and thinking what's gonna happen next? What should I do if the card is not there? Who I'm gonna call etc. Suddenly, a man came from  my back and overtook me. Of course I am surprised because I am lost in my thought at that time. After saw my reaction, this Nigerian apologies and we had small talk along the way to the ATM. Well, he also wants to go to the ATM. Upon reached, my ATM card is not there and i am doomed.

I started realized my mistake during our way back. He invited me to take another route unlike the previous one, and I agreed since it is still not dangerous but a lil bit risky. Then, he asked my routine and my phone number. Of course I said no, because I don't give my number easily. BUT HE GRABBED MY HAND AND TRY TO KNEEL DOWN BEGGING ME. Sudden reflect, I take my hand back and walk faster. and say no repeatedly. Noted that the path we took is a normal shortcut pedestrian walkway. It is normal because that is where students walk but it is risky because it is semester break now for undergraduate students so UUM is quieter than usual. Like out of 16 residential hall, only 3 is occupied. After office hour, UUM will be more quieter, and after 7pm, it's like in graveyard. So, what point am I screaming at that time? This guy is waaaay taller and bigger than me. If he can grab me, of course he can catch me easily if I run. 

The only option I can think of is saying no and walk faster. But, when I refused to give my number, he asked me to save his number. *insert palm face* I know this guy is not desperate and just trying to court me saying I am pretty, I am special because I talked with strangers, he is not dangerous because we are both Muslims and he is just a foreigner and have no power, etc but no, I've got no interest in making new friends, and I'm trying to keep my circle small, and I'm nervous. So, no, that is what I say to him.

But this man keep talking and by the time we reached in front of my hostel block, he still presenting about why I should save his contact number. I couldn't take it anymore after 30 minutes of listening, so i said, "you think yourself why I don't want to save your numbers", and walked upstairs. I've tried call my boyfriend but hmmm no, he is not answering. There are people passed us by but it's only his acquaintance and not mine :(

That weekend, I locked myself in hostel, traumatized to any black men, trying to forget the incident, and resenting my boyfriend (without him knowing because he just had no clue about what happened). Again, I couldn't write. Damn those incident.

So, here i am now, in the library, trying to overcome my last two weeks trauma since my roommate is back for a while so i got company. 

May I am blessed in this July and finish up my chapter 1 because I have had enough, stuck in this writing for almost 9 months. I've thought about my future and write down my plans (since I cannot shut down my brain easily at night) so insya Allah,  I'm gonna stick to it. Pray for me!