Tepek Apa Je Kat Muka

Tajuk ni aku risau nak kupas sebab muka aku pun jarang nak ada masalah, dan tak lah seelok mana. Ada je parut chicken pox, tiny bumps, bekas monthly acne. Tapi aku rasa seronok sebab ada improvement dah dari awal tahun  haritu.

Previously, aku pernah bagitahu yang muka aku kerap naik jerawat and I'm trying to spot which products yang buat jadi camtu. Okay, bila dekat uni, aku rajinlah nak buat tu. Balik raya haritu pun (Jun), aku bawak balik semua skincare and make up kit aku. Tapi tu lah. dah sampai rumah, bukannya rajin mana nak tepek satu-satu kat muka ahaha

Jujurnya, skincare routine aku ikut keperluan, masa, tenaga dan mood. Ikut la barang apa yang aku ada time tu. And since March, ini ajelah yang aku ada. and, korang pun tahu kan, basic skincare ada 5 steps: cleansing, exfoliating, toning, moisturising, sunscreen. Noted that aku tak ad ascrub yang berkenan lagi. Dah try Wardah Lightening Facial Scrub tapi aku syak SLS dalam tu buat muka aku naik jerawat.

1. Cleanser

Aiken ni sesuai untuk kulit aku. Boleh jadi make-up remover and it can remove foundation yang aku pakai tanpa perlu cleansing oil. Haritu time balik aku tak bawak ni sebab tak travel friendly. Ada jugak aku tukar-tukar dengan Ponds (tade dalam gambar sebab tertinggal kat rumah). Tapi akak aku kata Ponds tu strong pH. Dia pakai pedih, dengan aku okay je. maybe skin barrier masing-masing tak sama.

2. Toner

Aku pakai toner Avon brightening series tutup warna opaque putih dulu, bila dah habis tu yang beli toner Safi Aloe Vera & Habbatus Sauda. Kulit aku tak sesuai dengan toner ni. Buat muka naik tiny bumps. Aku ada beli toner Simple, tapi tertinggal kat rumah.  

3. Serum

Aku tatau la ni consider as serum ke apa, tapi ni sekadar supplemen je la untuk kulit aku. Ada boleh, tade pun tak apa. Kalau siang, aku pakai ni before moisturiser. Kalau malam, aku pakai ni saja, tak pun tak pakai pape sebab siapa kisah kau dah nak tidur kan melainkan esok ada event or terlebih rajin or kulit rasa kering. Ni botol aku yang pertama sebab dapat hadiah birthday dari mak aku. Sekarang dah ada 2nd bottle tapi tak bukak lagi sebab ni pun entah bila nak habis hahaha

4. Moisturiser

Irise Moisturising Emulsion ni texture dia macam lotion. Samalah macam nama dia. Warna opaque putih. Mula-mula rasa takut nak pakai sebab takut makin berminyak bila tengahari (combination skin issue) tapi lama-lama tu daku lantakkan aje. Selagi muka aku tak naik jerawat, aku okay. Yang aku perasan, pakai moisturiser ni kena dabbing, tak boleh sapu all over the face. Kalau tak, dia jadi macam keluar habuk daki tu.

5. Sunscreen

Sebelum ni, aku pakai Sunkiller pek warna biru. Rm27.08 kat Watson. Bila dah habis, beli Biore Perfect Protect Milk SPF50+ PA+++ ni sebab baca review kata sunscreen ni sesuai untuk combination skin. Ternyata hampa sebab buat kulit aku gatal-gatal terus stop pakai. Sampai sekarang, aku tak beli sunscreen baru lagi. 

Okay. make up pulak. Make up ni pun aku pakai ikut keperluan, mood dan masa. Kalau tengah menses tu, rajin la pakai banyak-banyak sebab lama sikit pakai. Hari biasa, selalunya pergi school je, setakat duduk bilik postgrad, susah sikit aku nak rajin cuci muka banyak kali. 

So, here you go. make up ni aku akan pakai lepas setel skincare la. Aku agak offended bila ada orang yang pentingkan make up je instead of both skincare and make up sebab, dah nama pun make up - main function dia akan tolong cover up your face, temporarily. Also, makin banyak make up aku letak, makin lambat aku bersiap, makin lamabt aku pergi school, makin susah la aku nak sembahyang nanti.

1. Foundation

Foundation ni aku beli March haritu sebab nak pergi mess night A. Bila teringat balik, gigih la cari colour code yang sesuai. Berkali-kali pergi Watson nak patch test. Last-last dapat la code 310 ni. Tips yang aku amalkan bila nak beli/pakai foundation, cari la yang warna paling sama dengan kulit, and pentingkan kualiti. Kau tak nak tepek benda yang buat muka kau makin teruk weh. Sayang. Bagi aku, nak naikkan tona kecerahan kulit tu fungsi skincare (HA acid etc), bukan foundation. Aku pakai foundation bila rasa perlu macam nak masuk meeting, nak cover dark circle since aku tak ada concealer. Dalam 4 kali aku pergi dating, 2 kali je aku pakai foundation. Sebabnya, tu lah. Malas nak bawak remover. 

2. Compact Powder

Aku beli jenis ni sebab dia macam satin finishing and tahan lama bila tengok housemate aku pakai dulu. Nampak kemas. Kulit nampak flawless. Aku pakai compact powder ni kadang-kadang je untuk layer atas foundation aku (ganti loose powder - entah betul entah tidak cara aku). But since it is powder, jarang lah aku pakai compact powder semata-mata sebab aku nak elak capuk bila berpeluh.

3. Mascara

Ni pun aku beli sebab nak pergi mess night haritu. Non waterproof. Pakai cleanser je, dah boleh hilang. Aku dah kata kan aku cheapskate. Nanti ada event airmata tak boleh pakai yang ni untuk elak mata panda. Yang seronoknya, leftover dia kurang. Yang tak seronoknya, mascara ni untuk volumizing. Macam merak dah bulu mata aku kalau terlebih apply (Bulu mata aku dah banyak). Ke sebab aku tak pandai pakai tu yang buat aku rasa tak selesa. Entahlah. 

4. Contouring

3D Brow & Nose Shadow ni multipurpose. Aku ada tengok turorial pinkboxcereal, which I find so useful for beginner.  Selain contour hidung kembang aku, aku contour la pipi sikit. Acah-acah kurus. Pastu jadikan eyeshadow. Tapi aku beli ni time nak konvo dulu. Pakainya tu je la sekali. Tu pun main hentam. Time tu putus cinta, tak peduli la pasal mekap. Sekarang dah pro sikit la, thanks to the tutorial.

5. Lip

Bibir aku selalu kering dan aku suka kopek bibir. Zaman sekolah rendah dulu, aku selalu berlumba dengan kawan bibir siapa paling banyak keluar darah. Ternyata aku kalah, tapi habit tu kekal. Tu yang bibir aku tadelah pink mana. Aku rasa lipbalm and lipstick la yang paling banyak aku beli, dan paling selalu hilang. Boleh jadi misplaced, tertinggal kat mana-mana. Macam-macam la. Last-last beli baru. Macam dalam gambar ni, aku beli warna pink tu sebab nak nampak natural konon-konon effortless la 😃 Lipstick tu 24k gold lipstick code ruby in gold. Ni mak aku punya tapi aku trade dengan lip palette Wardah aku. Aku suka ni sebab dia ada shimmering tu kan so dalam masa yang sama boleh jadi blusher (jimat highlighter). Dulu aku pernah la jadikan lipstick as eyeshadow tapi aku ni jenis tak pandai pakai eyeshadow so daripada nampak macam kena tumbuk, adalah baiknya aku tinggalkan habit tu. Tapi tak tahu la lada lagi ke tak sekarang sebab dah beli lama. 

Cuma baru ni mak aku ada belanja eyebrow pencil. So far, aku suka sebab ada spoolie, senang nak sikat kening aku yang lebat ni before fill in kening. Again, aku pilih warna ni sebab warna dia paling dekat dengan warna kening aku. Aku pernah tengok 1 tutorial Pony, dia kata eyebrow ni suppose to be sama warna dengan rambut. Tapi kita kan pakai tudung so aku opt dengan tak mengubah warna kening aku. Before this aku pernah beli Wardah, aku suka colour dia, tak kelabu sangat, tak hitam sangat, senang nak apply, senang nak padam, sekali hilang tahun lepas. Mana pergi entah. 

The Face Shop Eyebrow Pencil, Code 02 Gray Brown.

Anddd,, setiap kali aku rasa tade mood nak melawa, paling nak cepat, nak travel, aku memang akan opt dengan ni. SENANG! Aku boleh apply dengan muka, badan, rambut jugak. Kenapa rambut?Sebab boleh ganti dry shampoo. Pada aku, basuh rambut tu kena fikir panjang. Nak shampoo, conditioner, nak tunggu kering lagi. Nanti kalau tak habis kering dah terus pakai tudung, kulit kepala dan rambut aku jadi makin berminyak. Rugi masa. rugi duit, rugi tenaga. Tapi aku teringin nak try Batiste. #wishlist Semoga suami aku belikan time aku berpantang nanti.

Aku pernah try compare tempoh aku bersiap pakai skincare + mekap VS skincare + talcum. Beza dia boleh jadi 15-25 minit weh. Effort kan? Haa, kalau setakat nak turun Subaidah tu, sauk tudung je la tayah beria. 

In all, aku boleh kata yang aku rasa bertuah sebab muka aku susah nak naik  jerawat besar-besar. Tapi tu tak bermakna aku take it for granted. 

• As a girl, aku rasa perlu kenal jenis kulit masing-masing so that tahu nak beli apa yang sesuai dengan kulit. Kena jaga muka jugak sebab kita nak confront dengan orang. It can boost confidence as well. As a consumer, jangan mudah terpengaruh 100% dengan salesperson or testimoni certain product. Apa yang dia pakai, mungkin tak sesuai untuk kita. Tapi tu bukan point untuk kita condemn product orang. Sebab tu aku jarang recommend orang pasal product. masing-masing ada taste lain-lain, keperluan lain-lain. Try at your own risk. 

• As a student, kena tahu poket masing-masing. Macam aku, keanyakannya mak aku belanja. Yang murah-murah tu beli sendiri. tapi memang jarang la nak beli yang copy ori sebab mak aku pantang benda tu semua. Mau kena sesah. 

• As an observer, aku suka tengok orang yang yakin dengan feature sendiri. Tahu mana nak conceal, mana nak enhance. Jangan lupa selalu practice senyum depan cermin 😉

Till then.

Sindiran Halus

Remember earlier I said that i've taken care of my father for few weeks? Well, there's a story behind it. Let me share it here. Tapi bahasa campur-campur la ya. Untuk dramatic effect ahaha

Well, abah kena bisul dekat butt. Penghujung puasa tu kitorang buat tak endah sebab fikir it's only small matter and normal la orang kena bisul. Abah pun nak biar bisul tu masak sendiri. Sehari sebelum raya, dia dah start seram sejuk badan, and keep on asking my brother to check on it. Little did I know about the bisul, apatah lagi nak bertanya. Ignorant kan. 

So, our first raya was so gloomy. Tade salam-salam. 2 sisters are not home. Ibu masak soto. Abah dah siap rebus nasi impit sebelumnya. Aku pulak tak habis-habis mengemas. tapi semua senyap tak nak sebut apa-apa yang sedih. So, abah panggil kawan-kawan datang raya. Brothers keluar pergi raya, eventually aku pulak keluar ikut kawan. Balik dah dekat asar. Petang tu hujan. Lagilah semua pakat landing. Lewat petang, kitorang pergi rumah sedara. Sampai je sana, abah demam. Bila sepupu aku tanya keadaan abah (since she's a nurse), ada satu ayat dia yang buat aku tersedar. "Dahlah pakcu tu ada kencing manis."

Ya weh, aku mana tahu sangat effect dia sebab before this abah pernah je luka kat jari kaki so I thought this time should be okay also. But it was loooong time ago.

Raya keempat, kitorang pergi Tanjung Malim. Raya rumah sedara. Same incident happened. Sampai je sana, abah cari panadol. Beg ubat pun abah tak bawak. (Actually, aku  jarang gila concern pasal ubat abah). And, abah baru cakap, sejak kena bisul, abah stop makan ubat. Balik dari tanjung malim, bisul tu maybe dah masak and air bisa dia keluar. (maybe-sebab kitorang just nampak seluar abah basah) tapi semua buat tak kisah je lagi.

Lepas cuti raya dah habis, semua orang dah balik tempat kerja, adik-adik balik asrama, tinggallah berapa ketul je kat rumah. Abah time ni dah tak boleh tidur for few nights. Aku pulak yang in charge bisul abah. Lepas nampak mata bisul tu ada sampai 10, aku bagitau ibu. Ibu pun ajak la abah pergi klinik. Abah refused. Lepas sesi men-psiko, abah give up. Pergi klinik, ibu tetiba jadi proactive haha. Aku jadi observer je. Bisul abah kena belah, and dressing need to be done daily. Diabetes consultation pun ada. Point is, abah needs a nurse at home to nurse in everything he do, meds he take, food, dressing luka lagi. There comes my role. Bincang dengan ibu, aku decide extend cuti. Sv pun aku notify. Memang time tu tak fikir dah correction proposal semua.

So, konflik jadi sebab aku jarang duduk rumah dalam tempoh yang lama. Aku rasa semua aku kena buat. Mengemas, masak, kain, abah, adik-adik. Tu belum campur konflik nak masak apa, adik senyap-senyap bawak kereta, langgar kereta orang, ibu rushing pergi kerja and tade orang boleh hantar abah pergi klinik, duit medication tak cukup, macam-macam la. But then, prioriti aku abah la. Pagi cek blood sugar level, make sure dia mandi n makan, baju apa yang dia nak pakai, bawak pergi klinik untuk dressing, balik tu masak, makan. baru boleh mengemas. And these routine, buat aku cepat triggered. Entahlah, maybe penat. Tengok parents dalam keadaan tak baik, adik-adik macam tu, aku rasa tak boleh hadap. Lepas seminggu, aku pass kerja dressing dekat my bro. Even before tu, pelan-pelan aku suruh semua orang involve. Sebab aku tak larat nak picit-picit bisul tu ahaha

So, timbul rasa nak keluar rumah. Cari angin baru untuk writing. Which means, nak pergi office ibu. Aku borak-borak dengan ibu, and kitorang macam dah sesi luahan perasaan. Nasib baik ibu faham and permits aku stay kat office dia, Satu hari, aku bawak motor untuk pergi office ibu and singgah Petron untuk isi minyak. Masuk dalam untuk beratur bayar, pastu basa-basi dengan attendant tu sebab dah kenal. Dia bagitau mak dia meninggal and suruh sampaikan berita tu kat ibu. Since kitorang nak sembang panjang, aku geser tepi sebab nak bagi laluan orang belakang bayar. Tiba-tiba dia tambahkan minyak aku. Aku terkejut and cakap thanks. Dalam kepala, dok fikir aku ada kenal siapa-siapa yang pakai purdah ke kat area sini, kat mana aku ada jumpa auntie ni, kawan-kawan ibu abah ke.. Memang kerut la muka. 

Time isi minyak, auntie tu datang dekat. Aku segan sebenarnya. Dahlah pakai seluar track cengkam bawah yang bunyi gesek-gesek tu. Personally, aku rasa seluar tu 'menarik lebih perhatian'. Auntie tu tanya, aku student ke. Study kat mana. Dia doakan aku. Seriously, it touched my heart and mind. 

During lunch, aku share incident tu dengan ibu. Ibu tanya, apa yang aku dapat dari incident tu. Aku cakap aku malu. Sebab time aku luahkan perasaan dekat ibu semalam tu, aku cakap dekat ibu yang nanti kalau aku dah kerja, aku tak tahulah aku mampu hulur duit kat abah ke tak. Sebab abah tak tolong pun aku bulan-bulan, tak pernah tanya pasal studies, aku makan ke tak. So kenapa aku kena bagi dia duit bulan-bulan jugak? Bila jadi macam harini, orang luar tetiba menghulur dan mendoakan, buat aku terfikir, Orang luar boleh je menghulur, kenapa dengan family sendiri aku berkira? 

Ibu senyum. Aku diam. Monolog dalaman aku switched on. 

Semua yang jadi ada hikmah. Ada lesson yang aku kena kutip. Mungkin kali ni, lesson dia, sabar. Tak perlu tongkat langit semata-mata kau belajar lagi tinggi dari bapak kau, dari mak kau. Apa guna belajar tinggi, gaji besar, tapi adab kurang. Ya, manusia ada rasa sebal bila kena test. Tapi, tak perlu over mengeluh. Allah knows best.

Aku perasan weh, setiap kali aku mengadu, aku mengeluh, mulut aku lancang, aku decide nak jadi jahat sebab nak balas balik perbuatan orang, setiap kali tu kena tegur dengan Tuhan. Aku jadi malu dengan diri sendiri sebab playing victim, rasa bongkak konon aku la buat kerja paling banyak, paling penat, paling terluka. Padahal, semua orang ada perasaan, semua orang berusaha, semua orang buat silap. Siapa aku nak punish dia. And, walaupun aku tak faham setiap perbuatan ibu abah, aku decide untuk tutup mata, buat tak terkesan. Sebab hakikatnya, aku bukan Tuhan nak judge diorang. 

Before balik sini, aku say sorry to abah. Aku tahu dia terasa dengan aku. Bezanya, dia tak cakap je. Sebab, upbringing kita, lelaki tak boleh menangis. Tepape. Guess what, sampai ke sudah dia tak cakap apa yang dia terasa, tapi dia doakan aku berjaya. Sebak wehh.. Aku fikir, ikhlas ke tak aku jaga bapak aku ni? Dapat kutip pahala atau sia-sia? 

eheemm. 

Aku nak selit rasa syukur dekat sesiapa yang pernah doakan for my well being. Kena jentik dengan Tuhan tu mungkin hasil dari doa korang yang tak putus. Aku doakan korang sentiasa dalam keadaan harmoni sekeluarga, tak jadi macam aku yang cepat lupa diri. Buat dia yang dah pergi, aku doakan syurga balasannya sebab dah raise anak sebaik korang. Doakan jugak untuk mak ayah aku, moga diorang ada untuk tengok kejayaan kitorang adik-beradik. Moga scroll Msc aku ada embedded value. 

Selagi nyawa belum sampai rengkung, it is never too late to ask for forgiveness. And it is never too late to try.

ps. Aku tak niat nak bukak pekung tayang cerita buruk. tapi ini sebahagian dari realiti hidup yang aku terima, aku harap aku boleh belajar, and overcome.

Long Pause

It's July already. Two months passed after my progress report. Progress report here means a presentation which requires student to present all their progress to evaluator(s). Students may present their proposal draft if they are preparing for proposal defense, Gantt chart, questionnaires, results, etc. Just present which stage are you now. There are also students who makes progress report as pre-viva. My school require us to present progress report as pre proposal defense and pre-viva. So, at least, we have 4  presentations to do along the research journey. The evaluators are not there to judge your work whether it is right or wrong, but they are willingly to give opinions and comments as third party. So, no harm done and this will increase the chance for students to pass with minor correction.

Somehow, when students write, we are so immersed in our research and topics till a point where cannot explain it in layman's term. Or, maybe we are out of track so these evaluator will drag us back to the right path. Of course, with their experiences and talent in publication, they will help you.

In my case previously, I presented a lil bit of my chapter 1, and 3, and which phase I'm in right now. Received few comments to improve here and there. The bright side is, I'm the last presenter in that room. Bad side is, maybe they care, maybe they listened half-heartedly. I don't know. Afterall, i've present it.

I won't tackle how evaluators work. I just want to share how is my progress right now. Okay. After my progress report, I've submitted my proposal draft to my supervisor. Unfortunately, it's a major correction. I need to do again my chapter 1. at that time, it almost Raya. So, of course I go back to my hometown and berjimba like there is no tomorrow. My bad and please don't copy this. My holiday is prolonged since I need to nurse my father, and I just cannot write when I'm at home. One month is burned... just like that. Again, wrong time management.

When I came to my senses and realized I need to start writing again, I came back to UUM. I am the one who cannot live alone cause I am so careless and live in my own world. I need friends to talk to about my research and real life. The first night, I'm hungry and walked to the mall to grab a bite and go to ATM. The next day, I just realized that my ATM card is missing. It's almost 5pm so I rushed to the mall to find it. On my way to the mall, I put on my earplug and thinking what's gonna happen next? What should I do if the card is not there? Who I'm gonna call etc. Suddenly, a man came from  my back and overtook me. Of course I am surprised because I am lost in my thought at that time. After saw my reaction, this Nigerian apologies and we had small talk along the way to the ATM. Well, he also wants to go to the ATM. Upon reached, my ATM card is not there and i am doomed.

I started realized my mistake during our way back. He invited me to take another route unlike the previous one, and I agreed since it is still not dangerous but a lil bit risky. Then, he asked my routine and my phone number. Of course I said no, because I don't give my number easily. BUT HE GRABBED MY HAND AND TRY TO KNEEL DOWN BEGGING ME. Sudden reflect, I take my hand back and walk faster. and say no repeatedly. Noted that the path we took is a normal shortcut pedestrian walkway. It is normal because that is where students walk but it is risky because it is semester break now for undergraduate students so UUM is quieter than usual. Like out of 16 residential hall, only 3 is occupied. After office hour, UUM will be more quieter, and after 7pm, it's like in graveyard. So, what point am I screaming at that time? This guy is waaaay taller and bigger than me. If he can grab me, of course he can catch me easily if I run. 

The only option I can think of is saying no and walk faster. But, when I refused to give my number, he asked me to save his number. *insert palm face* I know this guy is not desperate and just trying to court me saying I am pretty, I am special because I talked with strangers, he is not dangerous because we are both Muslims and he is just a foreigner and have no power, etc but no, I've got no interest in making new friends, and I'm trying to keep my circle small, and I'm nervous. So, no, that is what I say to him.

But this man keep talking and by the time we reached in front of my hostel block, he still presenting about why I should save his contact number. I couldn't take it anymore after 30 minutes of listening, so i said, "you think yourself why I don't want to save your numbers", and walked upstairs. I've tried call my boyfriend but hmmm no, he is not answering. There are people passed us by but it's only his acquaintance and not mine :(

That weekend, I locked myself in hostel, traumatized to any black men, trying to forget the incident, and resenting my boyfriend (without him knowing because he just had no clue about what happened). Again, I couldn't write. Damn those incident.

So, here i am now, in the library, trying to overcome my last two weeks trauma since my roommate is back for a while so i got company. 

May I am blessed in this July and finish up my chapter 1 because I have had enough, stuck in this writing for almost 9 months. I've thought about my future and write down my plans (since I cannot shut down my brain easily at night) so insya Allah,  I'm gonna stick to it. Pray for me! 

Hormonal Imbalance

Remember I said that this postgrad life is a struggle? Well, one of the struggle I have to face is lots of pimple!

I think that I am quite lucky that I don't really have puberty pimples. So, since high school up until now, I can count my experience dealing with real pimples. Normally, there will be few tiny bumps that pop out for about 2-3 days and will disappear without I noticed (and I rarely give extra attention). The real pimple will come out basically during raya or any crucial events. Have you been in the same situation as me too?

So, when I started doing research back in Oct, everything seems well. At the early stage I can marathon 1 season of Grey's Anatomy for only 1-2 days so you can imagine how relaxed I am. Compared to my other coursework and mix mode's friend, I am the most relax person at that time. Go to school at 8, having lunch on time, googling papers, and packed my things at 5 sharp.

Tapi start Januari tu.. ada je anasir-anasir yang muncul kat muka. Kulit mengelupas la. Jerawat jelas yang amik masa lama nak hilang la. Januari tu aku rasa tu jerawat stress untuk wedding preparation wawa. Pastu pakai mekap. Bulan depannya tu pun sama. Mekap.

Mac tu ada duit lebih sikit so nak try invest on skincare. Before this dah ada rose gold water and moisturizer. Cleanser, toner, and sunscreen dah habis so nak try band baru. Pastu beli foundation sebab nak pergi function. Kemain aku beli. At last, Revlon tu pakai boleh kira dengan jari berapa kali aku pakai. Sunscreen Biore warna kuning oren tu buat muka aku jadi gatal. Toner Safi warna hijau tu ada alkohol lebih buat kulit aku mengelupas. Cleanser Aiken tu alhamdulillah ok tapi still, macam tak berapa nak membantu sangat kalau nak compare dengan Ponds.

Cheapskate skincare set

Nak discover mana 1 produk yang tak kena dengan muka bukan sekejap. Ada sekali tu, aku rasa geram sangat dengan bumps sebab kerap sangat muncul so aku reset semua skincare steps 2 minggu lepas. Muka pun cuci pakai air paip je. Tekad dah ni. Pergi school, pergi kerja barefaced. Pastu baru try pakai satu-satu. Pakai ni, rasa gatal. Pakai ni, kulit rasa pedih. So tahu la produk mana yang tak kena tu. Sedih weh. Rasa bazir gila masa & duit. Dahlah sebelum beli tu pun dok baca review, ingredients, beauty blog & videos, etc. Sekali tak sesuai dengan muka.

Even 2 hari lepas, muncul jerawat satu antara hidung dengan upper lips. Selalunya aku punya pimples period akan keluar lepas menses, so bengang jugak la bila benda tu muncul tiba-tiba. Nasib ada tempat mengadu walaupun dia respon love seketul untuk mesej panjang berjela aku tu 😆 Ibu pulak dengar je time aku membebel during video call 😂 Elok yang tu reda, eh berganti pulak betul-betul bawah hidung. Aku syak ni jerawat stress ni.

Sekarang tengah kejar nak siapkan banyak benda. Research, questionnaire, proposal, conference, kerja part-time lagi. Tiket balik raya tak boleh nak beli lagi ni, selagi tak confirm bila boleh start cuti. Pening. Pening.

So, tu je la. Selamat berpuasa semua! Semoga aku kurang membebel dan improve manners sempena nak masuk ramadhan ke 9 ni.

Mode of Study: Coursework or Research

Ada masa sikit ni so nak cerita pasal comparison between coursework and research. I've shared a lil bit of my experience of my pre-postgrad experience. Basically, akan jadi camni..

Sebelum decide nak sambung mode mana 1, fikir dulu;

1. Apa yang awak nak sebenarnya? 
2. Apa plan awak dalam 1 tahun, 2 tahun and 5 tahun akan datang? 
3. Kenapa nak sambung belajar? 
4. Lepas tu, buat SWOT analysis untuk diri sendiri. 

Another explanation dah ada dekat my first post, tak silap. kalau i pandai, i attach link haha!

Okay, so here is the next episode.

Why coursework?

1. sebab nak cepat grad
2. sebab ada classmates
3. sebab boleh handle weekly assignments
4. sebab nak masuk industri
5. sebab nak naik tangga gaji
6. sebab confirm ada cuti sem

Selalunya, if you decided to enter industry, you are preferred to do coursework. Sebab boleh buat part-time jugak. Kiranya, kerja jadi nombor 1, postgrad is your 2nd priority. Ataupun sebab memang tak suka buat research writing. 

Dalam coursework jugak, kena belajar semua method, nanti kat hujung sem baru pilih method mana nak apply dalam dissert. So, plus point nak masuk industri bila buat coursework sebab dah tahu banyak method.

Why research? some of my reasons (ok, this is my first post.) 

In short, student kena belajar sendiri apa yang related dengan research field. Method, problem, data, sampling, etc. You do what you want. Of course dengan guidance from supervisor la. Macam pre PhD. Cuma your contribution is smaller than PhD. 

Ada jugak yang seek guidance dengan pergi workshop, seminar. Join conference or symposium sebab kena publish paper. It depends on uni's requirement jugak kena publish berapa journal, hantar kat publication mana semua (I'll make a post about conference, insya Allah).

And bila buat research mode, plus point untuk publication. Sebab nanti nak masuk edu line, uni will consider your publication experiences. Ada jugak student who looks forward to best thesis award. 

Or else, you may opt to mix mode. Belajar dulu, nanti last sem buat dissert.

Mana lagi senang?

Duduk rumah baring depan tv la paling senang. pun intended. 

I will never say coursework is much easier than research or vice versa. Sebab semua mode ada struggle masing-masing. 

You've known yourself better than others. Ada orang dia jenis laju gila absorb bila masuk kelas, jawab test, etc. Ada orang dia pesen kreatif, suka invent benda baru, hybrid benda-benda sedia ada. 

Don't block your mind and/or choosing the most easiest way out. Ni pasal masa depan ni. Fikir elok-elok. 

I've started thinking of postgrad prospect during my degree life - sem 6. During internship pun fikir lagi. Nak tekan submit button dalam online application pun takut. Dah dapat offer letter, lagi lah. Boleh pulak ada rasa nak defer. Sebab we never know what's in the future. Ordeal apa yang akan muncul. Financial issue, family, friends, love, also career. It's a difficult phase because this is the start of our adulthood. 

In all, always remember that postgrad life ni bukan ukur tahap cerdik kita, tapi ukur tahap struggle and how we survive. Appreciate the process. 

Choose wisely!

April fool or fool myself?

March has been so colorful to me. Love relationship starts blooming well, a getting to know and try to blend in phase, that kind of thing. Family too, in good condition. We're expecting baby this December, insya Allah. My lil sister also resumes her 6 months navy training. The other 2 are ready to sit big exams this year. And the rest is.... :)

On the other hand, my studies undergoes regression!☹️☹️ proposal is behind the schedule. Ada method yang tak verify lagi. Questionnaire tak siap draft lagi. Kena follow up data. Bila nak start pun tak tahu la ni. Asyik tangguh-tangguh je. Perangai kan? Pastu merengek ahahaha

Oh, have I told you A gonna out for sailing? Yes. Navy do sail. So, we're gonna face a new phase and test for some time. The truth is, I really hope I pass this draggy moody moment faster.. I need my focus back and do the best for my studies! kan? Sampai bila nak tengok pinggan orang lain. Aku penat juga. Penat dalam. Something that cannot be describe.

Slowly but Surely

i have been running from the facts for quite 2 weeks before got thousands wake up call. surprisingly, the last wake up call came from my ex! and it is truly amazing because finally, i've got what i really need. conformity, sorts of consort, boosts of motivation, and facts that smashed. okay, i know some will say i still cannot move on from my past relationship but, i'll let it pass. because at this time, i really really need his listening skills, ayat bapak-bapak etc.

i remember calling him few days ago and spill everything (only related things lah). aku bagitahu aku dah lost focus in studies, aku nak quit, nak cari kerja lain, camtu la. (which i tell everyone near me haha) dia tanya, kenapa lost, kenapa nak quit? aku dengan senang hati tembak, "tanya la diri awak sendiri kenapa saya macamni." LEGA

however, one of his words stuck in my head. "ingat, jangan fikir banyak-banyak. fokus je belajar. awak kuat. awak dahsyat. i look up to you. kalau awak tahu macam mana susah cari duit, dapatkan sesuatu, awak takkan berhenti belajar." 

so that's it! tu cerita few days ago yang buat aku resume my writing. and of course, bukan dia je la yang buat aku nak resume kerja. mestilah banyak lagi benda lain, and paling penting, sebab aku sendiri yang nak gerak buat kerja. 

anddd, meeting dengan sv baru ni tak kena marah, walaupun banyak lagi nak kena buat in a short time. long wayy to go, but i can. insya Allah. Misi mengejar proposal defence. 

oh, baru ni ada jaga kuiz untuk my sv's class. #tipscariduitpoket 

it's fun as i can see new faces, reflecting my degree time, and motivate myself to work harder.

aku dah start kerja part time dekat food court mall. *tipscariduitpoket 4 jam sehari, means 4 jam berdiri. semalam first day kerja. semuanya kena cekap dan pantas.  tengoklah sampai bila tahan. ahaha

lagipun, aku nak gunakan masa yang ada sepenuh yang boleh. taklarat dah duduk bilik saja, mengimbau kenangan dan jadi mat jenin. 

bye! dah lapar.

Lost in the Crowd

it is a hideous fact that I am trying to accept. I am lost. It has been 6 months since i started this journey but I achieve nothing. I attended classes and should produced proposal but nope, it doesn't happen like that. I searched for data, but it is not easily available. Everything I've planned gone wrong.

Remember one of the post where I mentioned types of support? I am in need of those. Moral support. Financial support. Ideas support. I need peace and creative thinking support. 

over my 20 years of life, I barely feel peer pressure. I realize that everyone should not compare themselves with others' achievement. But, oh God. I totally feel defeated now. Seeing friends with stable income monthly, steady relationship, good family bonding. Stranded alone in here really makes me demotivated. 

I guess I need to work harder. I need to find formal job. I cant stay like this for a long time. This situation is killing me. 

Looking on the bright side, God send friends to cheer me up. Last night, I felt down and under the weather. Since I need to eat or else I will get gastric attack for 3 days straight, I got up and went to fest near my hostel. Luckily, someone say hi to me. you know how i feel at that moment? Blessed! It is like, "thank you so much God for hearing me. I know I am the one who put a distant with you, but you treat me so well."

and last, tadi aku mengaji and I found this. AlKahfi:110. Macam sniper. 

new start

lama gila tinggal kerja- kerja research! almost 3 weeks. selamba gila cuti lama macam diri sendiri yang nak menikah. haha! agaknya kalau kenduri sendiri, berapa lama la aku perlukan untuk siapkan semuanya. serius penat. penat badan, penat otak. so thankful ada relatives and friends yang tolong.


tapi, tu lah kan. bila balik rumah, 3 minggu rasa sekejap sangat. rasa macam baru singgah kl, jalan-jalan, sampai rumah terus buat sesi mengemas yang tak berpenghujung, big day, tup-tup dah kena rushing balik uni.

bila nama pun dah rushing, confirm la 1 kerja pun tak buat lagi. sampai bilik pukul 6 pagi, masuk meeting 4 jam kemudian. kau rasa? dengan mengantuk, period pain penat badan semua tu.. dan, seperti yang dijangka, meminta kena tegur dengan sv la jawabnya. what a day..

so, seminggu jugak la moody. seminggu jugak la nak kena start balik cari-cari dari mana nak sambung kerja. rasa tak tahu nak mula dari mana tu , ya ampuuuuuun... siap ada rasa nak quit, nak tukar mode, nak cari kerja, financial unstable lagi, application part time job kena reject, macam-macam la.

see, people. what i want to highlight when something like this happened is;

first, find your support system. be with someone who can console you, and recharge your energy. the best advice that i received that day is, 'remember why you start in the first place'. sound simple kan?tapi, time give up tu, ingat senang ke nak fikir pasal restart? but, that's the real challenge, peeps. as an adult, life will not stop even when you want it so. tamau duduk dalam tempat negatif lama-lama. bahaya.

second, open your eyes, your mind, and your heart. yes, we need to plan our journey. but remember, our plan might not be as best as God's plan. ada masa, kita plan A to C, but actually we are destined to D. at some extent, even we are not be able to reach B. so, try to be flexible. plan a target,tapi try to be as much flexible as we can. stop dengan stigma 'nak ini, kena lalu jalan ini je.' don't limit yourself. sebab 20- 25 is our golden time. find your own way to shine. other can talk,but it is you to decide whether to take the advice or omit it. bright side, tak seronok la semua orang lalu jalan sama. tak cool jugak ikut jalan orang je. :)

wuish, cakap macam power, kan? haha. well, kita sendiri yang tahu apa yang kita dah lalui. we are the diamond in the making. insya Allah. kelemahan kita, kekuatan kita, kta la kena acknowledge tu. macam baru ni, aku berborak dengan kawan. dia cakap yang dia tak suka bila orang sentuh pasal family. suddenly, from an active person, dia tukar mode jadi passive and overprotective. itu weak point dia. dia pun admit tu.

other time, aku borak-borak, aku cakap aku stress pasal duit. aku tak boleh la tade duit etc. pastu kawan tu bagi nasihat berkualiti sikit. entah macam mana, keluar ayat dia, 'tak apalah, bukan masalah besar sangat macam ada masalah broken family etc'. pastu aku selamba reply, 'ha dulu pu huru-hara la jugak kejap. lama-lama dah okay.'

see people, i know nak achieve tahap menerima dengan redha tu takes time and effort, but don't let others define you solely based on your weaknesses, okay? you will move on. you can move on. and after you move on for a better you, look back and smile at your old self. because you made it this far.

macam apa yang aku buat ahad lepas, tepuk bahu sendiri sambil senyum, 'you did it'. aku pun tak sangka dapat siapkan proposal after quite a stormy week.

xoxo

new beningging

remember that phrase was viral in 2018 after a politician speech? 😜

well, today's post is not about it actually. It's just that new semester has begin today. As a research student, I may not feel any difference since I've got no semester break. 

However, remember that last semester I took 2 classes? Yeah, the result came out yesterday. and  until now, I have no guts to take a peek to see my result. i don't know what i should do. i mean, i know that i've spoilt both classes' assignments. Late and half done submission, and now i cannot bear the fact that i may need to repeat that subject again. (i've the feeling of repeating paper next semester.)

somehow, i feel like i wanna rebel. i am in the process of accept the fact that i've lost a dear supporter. 3 months passed by but i just cannot handle the pressure of assignments and that stress feeling at the same time back then. thus, this is the result. NOTHING. NULL. NIL. NADA. I am the one who lost in the mental battle. 

Maybe some of you will say, 

"it's only small matter"

"how can you put away your academic life?"

well, i just did.

i guess, repeat paper is not a bad thing after all. at one point, of course it's a waste of time and money. but, on a bright side, i can have a deep learning, and have more time and supervision from experts. i feel love. i really hope experience is my best teacher. may mistakes taught me well and i learn something from it.

writing this post makes my day a lil bit gloomy but i am hoping for a full moonlight.

Duduk Manis

Remember I've planned to write 3 pages per day i my previous post? Guess what. I did it! 😁

the story goes like this.
I've planned to meet my lecturer so, I need to prepare things before we meet. However, that morning I cannot find my files and asked my friend. Luckily she had the file with her and i need to get it ASAP. Off I went to her room. Long story short, there's a lot for us to catch up and I start my work at 10 😅 LATE. At school, I went here and there, met few people, chit chat, munch, and one hour later, I sat on my sit. Tapi tu lah. Nak dapat feel tu bukan senang. Nama pun LR. Baca balik, tambah artikel lagi sampailah pukul 2. Kawan-kawan ajak makan pun tak dapat nak join.

Break jap and start balik 2.30. Klimaksnya ialah, dari pukul 2.30 sampai pukul 5 tu, elok pulak boleh fokus and siap 3 pages. wehh, kerja 3 bulan aku yang tertangguh tu aku boleh buat dalam 3 jam je. 😱 walaupun tak perfect, tapiii... uishh!

1, membazirnya 3 bulan aku dok divert n lovehate relationship dengan LR.
2, aku pun tak percaya aku boleh fokus. ni maybe kes rasa terdesak ni. haha
3, tapi dah terlambat sebenarnya. terpaksa cancel jumpa lecturer sebab tak sempat siap whole chapter.

my pillow thought semalam macamni,
dulu sekali belajar je dah terus masuk kepala and boleh score.
makin besar, nak PMR, SPM rasa rajin tu dah kurang tapi still ilmu boleh lekat and excel exam.
masuk uni, real challenge. Berapa kali belajar pun, tak masuk-masuk kepala. Pastu menyesal. Pastu rasa nak quit.

Semalam, rasa lagi teruk sebab, rasa malas nak put effort 😟😟  kenapa dulu sekali buat je dah jadi? kenapa sekarang kena repeat? rasa major loser. i am defeated.

At this point, ada 2 yang aku deduce;

1,  ni quote cikgu sekolah aku dulu n ni memory-based quote. Katanya, "ilmu itu putih. Yang putih takkan lekat dalam hati yang hitam" buang yang hitam dulu, baru putih boleh masuk.
2, memang aku kena usaha lagi. "Dia nak ajar erti struggle ni. Office kat atas tu bukak 24/7. Pergilah buat report." (W, 2019) Biarlah repeat, biarlah lambat. Asalkan aku belajar dari kesilapan.

Duduk Manis is a term introduced to me by W, siginifies bila kita duduk manis je atas kerusi, create mind set, insya Allah boleh fokus writing.

It's a Progress

Back to reality. 

During Master in research, students will be assigned to supervisor (SVs). Whether it is only 1 SV, or 2. They will guide students throughout the journey. Ada sv yang focus on method, ada yang focus on writing. Depends.

In my case, I have 2 SVs. Kitorang ada weekly meeting. So, tiap-tiap minggu kena update progress. Tiap-tiap mingu jugaklah ada post-meeting syndrome. Well, fellow friends kata it's good to keep  updated with SV. Sebab kita akan stay on track insya Allah. Ada je yang meeting 2 minggu/sebulan sekali. Once again, it's up to students and SV. No harm done.

Well, up to this week, aku baru sekali tak dapat join meeting. Sebab laptop aku rosak weh! Ada 1 malam tu aku stay up. Tak sure pukul berapa, aku terlelap. Laptop aku buat sleepmode je. Nak jadi cerita, bangun pagi tu laptop tak boleh hidup. Siang tu terus bagitahu SV. Malam tu mintak orang tengokkan laptop. Dia try on sekali je, pastu terus kemas. Simpan laptop. Tak cakap apa pun. Dah siap kemas, dia kata dia kena bawak balik. Rasa seluruh jiwaku pergi. 😢 Dahlah esoknya patut ada weekly meeting, laptop tak ada backup, assignment berlambak, semua tu nak kena setel sebelum weekend sebab nak balik. 

Luckily SV faham and excuse me untuk jumpa next time je. Alhamdulillah, lepas 2 hari, laptop dah boleh hidup and still boleh pakai. Hidup la aku macam biasa buat kerja.

3 minggu dah jalan, sampailah latest meeting which is last week. Ok, frankly speaking, bila setiap minggu aku masuk meeting tapi tak ada progress, aku akan jadi sesak tau sebenarnya. Mana nak cover malu dengan SVs, rasa bersalah dengan diri sendiri lagi. Aku pulak memang ada masalah dalam writing. 

Actually, research ni ada banyak step. Ada method, programming, data collection, writing, etc. Macam aku yang involve dengan quantitative data ni, core part gonna be analysing (method). Tapi yang tak syoknya ialah aku ni dah biasa dengan terms, numbers and symbols, aku jadi kurang kreatif. Aku stuck dekat reading, writing. 2 bulan aku divert writing tu dengan data collection la apa la. Sampai la last week, aku memang kena hadap jugak dengan literature review (LR). Chapter 1, chapter 3 dah pass, chapter 2 ni stuck. Plus, aku ni jenis kalau tak faham something, terus aku block otak aku dari brain benda-benda susah tu. 

Masa meeting last week, aku jujur bagitahu SVs yang aku stuck kat sini, sini, sini. Benda tu kecik je pun weh, maybe sebab aku dah simpan lama and tu first time aku jumpa benda tu, aku rasa tu masalah besar. Guess what, SV sikit pun tak marah. Dia explain sikit, pastu pesan banyakkan membaca. Waktu tu dah start blur dah.

Habis meeting, dah wrap up, nak salam la. SV tu senyum je, pastu aku cakap, 

"Saya tak pandai, Dr"

"Kamu pandailah", Dr aku reply lembut je.

Tak semena-mena, laju pulak air mata aku turun. Tak boleh control pulak tu. Buat pertama kalinya, aku menangis depan SVs.

Keluar bilik meeting, dia bagi pesan lagi.

"lepas ni kena banyakkan bertanya."

"reach out kawan-kawan"

pastu dia usik kata aku manja sambil tepuk pelan pelan bahu aku 😆😆 baru la aku stop nangis sebab, weh, aku tak manja. aku cengeng je. KAH

One word, LEGA. Bukan lega sebab kerja dah siap, tapi rasa kurang sikit beban tu. 

Akak-akak PhD pun bagi semangat kat aku jugak. Rasa terharu sangat. 

Dalam aku dok canang aku tak ada kawan, aku sorang-sorang dalam buat research ni, ada je orang sekeliling sebenarnya yang aku tak umpamakan. Kejam, kan? 

'Akaliah.. Akaliah.. Apa kau expect orang belai, duduk sebelah kau sepanjang masa ke?'

'Tak, aku tak expect macam tu. Cuma...'

'Cuma apa? Kau nak orang bela kau? Back up kau walaupun memang kau salah?'

'Tak!'

'Kau nak at ease. Nak ada orang lagi rendah dari kau, supaya kau tak rasa bersalah dengan diri sendiri, pastu tangguhkan kerja lagi. Kan?' 

'Aku nak push factor aku balik!'

'Sudah-sudahlah berangan. Tahu kan sebenarnya kau tengah hancurkan masa depan kau sendiri? Kau tak boleh ubah hakikat orang yang biasa ada dengan kau dah pergi. Biarkan dia pergi. Yang depan mata ni bukan orang? Sampai bila nak harap benda yang tak pasti? Sampai bila nak cakap tak pandai, tak reti? Sampai bila-bila pun kau takkan ke mana'

'......'

'Bukak mata hati, Akaliah. Dunia ni luas. Journey kau panjang lagi. Berlambak je orang kat luar sana yang dah berjaya. Dalam kejayaan tu, banyak duka yang diorang dah hadap. Kau punya sorrow ni tak mencabar langsung. Bazir masa. Bazir tenaga'

footnote: Tipu la tak ada rasa nak quit. Tapi, tu lah tu. Perang otak ni penat. Kena makan, tidur lagi KAH

Year of Khinzirian

Happy New Year! 

I'm gonna be quite personal in this post, actually. Ada rasa nak recap 2018 and semadikan dalam ni mana tahu it might be useful in the future. 😊
January 2018 is tough sebab still dengan final exam mode and at the same time i've lost my granny. Kena berpisah dengan my bff sebab tempat intern lain negeri and dah habis dah life kat UUM. Cuti tu duduk rumah. Waktu tu la start belajar duduk dapur. 

February dah start intern. Adapting tempat baru, usaha nak amik lesen yang tergendala sampai sekarang sebab nama kena blacklist dengan JPJ, gastrik teruk time bulan puasa, and itulah start duduk sorang. Ada la rasa menyesal duduk sorang sebab serius bosan n boleh murung. I'm quite talkative tapi nak converse in english dengan housemate all the time tu fikir banyak kali juga hee

Seronok ke intern? OK je. Kena tahu passion and be decisive. 

April ada pilihan raya. First time voting. Kelakar sebab ingatkan kena mengundi pakai dakwat tu.  And, terkesan dengan penerimaan abah yang obviously kecewa terhadap #MalaysiaBaru 

Tapi June dah raya! Internship dah habis. F gigih duo ride datang raya kat rumah, tapi 1 gambar pun tak sempat snap. haihh. Time ni dah pro la sikit kat dapur. 

support system 1

support system 2

Le sv and internmate

tolcha dah pro sikit kan 

July dah kena fokus dekat report semula walaupun terbabas sampai end of August. Tapi ok la despite kena jaga makcik, dapat jugak siapkan report tu walaupun last minute.

October tu betul-betul mencabar. Register Master, catch up kelas yang dah 2 minggu jalan, basic necessities tak cukup sampaikan tumpang bilik junior 2 bulan. Love life dah start goyah. Even my convo in November tu pun busy sebab nak kejar due date sv, class, and settling parents. My sis pun  dah start kerja. #WelcometoAdultLife

Beautiful people with beautiful heart 1

Beautiful people with beautiful heart 2

Trying to move on

Of course I am waiting for December so much cuz it's my birthday month! Proud to be myself sebab dapat treat my family dengan duit sendiri. Walaupun tak semua, still, #achievementunlocked! oh ya, my roomie, R pun dapat kerja yang dia idamkan. So happy for her and i almost cried.

What can I conclude?

1. To F, thank you and sorry. May Allah protect you. 
2. Welcome to adulthood. Life is the mixture of easy and difficult. Bila senang, be grateful and share your happiness and blessings with others. Bila susah, cepat-cepat audit diri. Ada hari yang malas tu, haih! Sebab frankly speaking, fasa 20an ni ialah masa untuk kita enjoy dan fikir karier, kan?  Every single decision we made is solely on us so semoga diberkati dan dipermudahkan urusannya.
3. I don't know whether I can afford to lose anyone again or not.

Azam 2019?

Apparently, someone asked me the same question just now. 

Kalau tanya 2 hari lepas, my answer would be nak cari calon pasangan hidup, nak kumpul duit, nak kahwin. Tapi, entah kenapa, bila dapat soalan ni tadi, I am stuttered. Kejung. Nerve cells disconnected. 

Of course nak habiskan Master, tapi research life is so challenging. I cannot expect anything will be good all the time. Apatah lagi nak grad on time. 😂 tapi tak baik mengeluh kan? Nangis je la mampu.

Nak financially stable? Baru nak mula hidup, confirm la ada turun naik, turun tak naik naik, naik turun turun. 😅 (semoga murah dan berterusan rezekiku untuk 2019)

Nak enjoy mungkin. Before this selalu refrain diri sendiri dari buat something/pergi anywhere. 

Maybe jugak, this year harap boleh tinggalkan benda-benda sedih/negatif & make a better me. Focus on self-growth. Nak cari identiti sendiri semula. Nak unclip my wings. Nak jadi lagi kuat, lagi konsisten, lagi penyabar. 

Semoga dipertemukan dengan orang-orang yang bermakna dan saling membantu. Semoga terus kuat hadapi dugaan yang Tuhan bagi. 

footnote: I've been practicing this du'a since last 2 weeks. 

"Semoga Nor Akaliah dipermudahkan urusan, grad on time, dikurniakan jodoh yang melengkapi menerima diri seadanya, dan dapat husnul khotimah."

Amin YRA!

The 1st Young Researchers Symposium

Based on the title itself dah tahu nak cerita apa kali ni kan? :)

Sama mcam previous post, nak describe pengalaman and bagi a lil bit review. 

Basically, ni first time SQS organize symposium hence the program ada letak 'The 1st'. Then, ini antara committee yang kecik, cooperative, and well-functioned i've ever join. Kitorang semua student postgrad. Maybe faktor umur.  They reached maturity level already (I am excluded). Despite assignments and hectic week, they all managed to handle it. Seronok! Dapat pulak coordinator yang masuk kepala, n particular so kredit untuk well balance kat situ.

Secondly, participants. I am totally amazed for participants sebab majority of them ialah undergrad students. Early exposure is crucial. Lagi-lagi untuk quantitative sciences, courses yang ada high graduate employability tapi low promotion, causing few people yang determine nak further studies in these courses. Contoh terdekat, last year, Decision Science course sendiri duduk dalam hot cup sampaikan KPT sarankan tutup course. Sedangkan majoriti lepasan Decision Science dapat proper position in working sector. Back to symposium, it is a good platform for them to educate others like prospect employers and public tentang apa yang you belajar during degree and also, mana tahu ada yang berminat nak sambung belajar lagi. :)

Next, ada jugak postgrad participants (which is to me, sama macam SLCP Conference event) yang nak peer-reviewed, tambah publication, etc. Ada tu, lecturer school sendiri. Cuak ok. These educated and superior people really scares me sebab kita level marhaen sahaja. But it is totally good way of sharing ideas and PR kan after all? 😊

Thirdly, I love the issues brought by the invited speakers. First speaker talked about integrity of data analyst. Dia cerita current issue yang banyak berlaku dalam real world data science lately. It made me realize the importance of being precise and particular. Second speaker presented research that has been done by her team. since i already in optimization field, i feel that sebenarnya banyak je cabang untuk diaplikasikan/ yang student boleh pergi dalam data science/quantitative sciences. and, deep in my heart,ada la sikit rasa ralat atas kemalasan dan kejahilanku zaman dahulu kala.

If you are interested in any symposium/conference, what do you need?

1. Be ready. Be it mentally or physically. Kena ada dalam optimum health state.
2. Be an early bird. Register awal (harga early bird usually lil bit cheaper), datang awal, prepare material awal. Sebab we cannot expect everything gonna be as we please.
3. Back up. Ada orang yang simpan slide kat emel and OL. bila ada masalah internet, laju je ada back up kat pendrive.
4. Laptop as first life. This baby device is super sensitive and dia boleh 'sakit' bila-bila masa especially bila dia penat. So, careful.
5. Lastly, be proactive. Ha yang ni even me myself trying to practice. Because, our culture, Malay, we are well trained of spoon-feed. Bila dah lepas teenage years, you will be treated differently. Ilmu tu takkan datang bergolek, takkan terbang melayang directly to you. Mingle around with new people. 
6. Never underestimate others. Sometimes, kita rasa kita ni ada background yang hebat tau. Good pr, ada kabel saiz trojan, rasa paper/tajuk kita paling bagus, apa-apa la. Well, orang lain pun hebat tau. They are just being humble.

Cheers!

whole audience

our committee

standing: invited speaker 1, sit from right: invited speaker 1, Dean

poster evaluation

paper presentation

me